God the Wingman

There are consequences of believing in an all-powerful, personal God, and believing that he cares intensely about sex, marriage and relationships.

Having these beliefs inclines one towards believing that people are “meant” to be together, that God “brings” people together, and that God will help your soulmate see the condition of your heart, just like he sees the condition of your heart.

I used to figure that if my intentions were perfect–if my “heart was in the right place,” and if my purity of mind and soul were all set–then God would not let silly things get in the way of me being with my dream girl. He wouldn’t let things go south just because I had failed to present myself properly, or was misunderstood or misinterpreted, or made a bad impression…

God is your wingman. He will make sure that she only rejects you if you aren’t meant to be with her, or if you somehow deserve it.

Unfortunately, these beliefs are false. Nobody is taking care of this for you–it can be scientifically demonstrated. If you’re a girl, you really can fail to maintain your weight and doom yourself to singleness (in spite of all your prayers). If you’re a guy, you really can make a bad impression and lose your chance forever, no matter how godly you are.  People are predictable, manipulable creatures, and all the same types of things that turn on, and turn off, normal human beings apply to Christians–they are just couched in a different context.

God will not lift a finger to help anyone “see you for who you really are.” You will not get rewarded or noticed for anything that is hidden in your heart alone. God will not help a potential mate “look past” your poor taste in fashion, your annoying habits, or your antisocial tendencies. Only the well-worn, outwardly visible, tried-and-tested methods of attracting people will attract people. You can even learn these methods from a godless pick-up artist, and in many cases you can use them to steal a Christian girl out from under a godly man’s nose.

Of course, most Christians eventually learn this. Some of them learn it too late, some of them never learn it, and almost none of them draw the correct conclusion from the data:

God does not care whether you are unloved and alone for the rest of your life. He doesn’t care whether you deserve to be alone, or whether you are the most deserving, kind, gentle person on the planet. None of your prayers have any effect. The only one who is going to do anything about your relationships, your loneliness, or finding your “soulmate,” is you.