Evangelical Lingo

The following are a few translations of common phrases found in the evangelical church. Please note that the timing is only marginally related to my writing this. I have hated almost everything about the evangelical church for the better part of a decade, and I have hated evangelical lingo since the day of my birth. Hating these things was simply never a big deal to me, in the past. Also, please note that I have no recollection of ever having used any of the following phrases in my life.

God Told Me = I told me

God Wants = I want

It’s all in God’s Timing = It’s a crapchute

I Can’t Do This on my Own = This is difficult

Lay it Before the Cross = Try not to think about it

I Struggle with Pride = I need you to know that I have things to be proud about

Give it up to God = Don’t get your hopes up or you’ll be disappointed

God is Good = I was lucky

God Works in Mysterious Ways = I was unlucky

God Took [this] Away From Me because I Wanted it Too Much = I really wanted that

His Heart is in the Right Place = He agrees with me

My Walk with God = My Life

Search your Heart = Keep on thinking about it until you agree with me

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4 Responses to “Evangelical Lingo”

  1. These would fit nicely on the back of a business card.

  2. The alarming thing about this particular lingo is not so much that it is used, but that it is used primarily (most often by Americans) with regard to tax forms, taxi cabs, piano recitals, school stress, Sunday brunch, romantic complications, and the most normal, everyday things. This, when the whole point of Christianity is to diminish the importance of such things…

  3. God told me that I can’t do this on my own. God wants me to just lay it before the cross and realize that it’s all in God’s timing. God took the desires of my heart away from me because I wanted them too much, they were becoming an idol. He knew the struggle I have with pride so I should just give it up to God because God is Good and He works in mysterious ways. I know that His heart is in the right place and that He will work all things to my good if I stay strong in my walk with God. Please search your heart for the answers as well.

    Complete satire as this is listed in the humor section. Not far off from some of the conversations I’ve had in the past though. All sounds very trite now.

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