Archive for July, 2008

Christian Sports

Posted in Humour etc. on July 9, 2008 by RWZero

I’m in the Twin Cities right now, on my trek through North America by Greyhound bus. My friend Jeny, who I’m visiting here, had a women’s softball league game today. It turns out it’s a Christian league.

I enjoyed watching the game, and as I sat there, it came to me:

We should have a Christian softball league with teams based on theological differences.

The Calvinists play the Arminians, and in the tiebreaker game the former hits a home run to win–was it predetermined? The five-point Calvinists play the four-point Calvinists. The former win because, well, they had more points. The preterists play the futurists, and with the latter down too far to win, they call a time out… hoping that the end times come before the bottom of the ninth.

The Creationist, Intelligent Design and Theistic Evolutionist teams have a round robin tournament, and the Creationists lose, because when they picked teams at the draft, they didn’t go with their gut instinct (they don’t believe in natural selection). The Legalists play the Progressives, but it’s a co-ed league, and the legalists lose because they never let a runner get to first base.

The Continuationists play the Cessationists, and instead of using force plays, the Continuationists always tag out the Cessationists between bases–they’re eager to practice any sort of laying on of hands.

And of course, in deciding which team you’re on, you have to decide which dichotomy is the most important to you.

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